Hmmmmm talking about my painful past, well ya im regretting about it much, n i still cant live without regretting it. cuz killing some loved me so much can not pass like this.
Ya im killer, murderer, screw me.
After i killed this person, i felt so bad and i wished that the life goes back n fix everything n ask her for forgiveness. thats normal feeling after every shit we make which can never happen, so living in regret will be the plan B.
anyway, talking about dreams, and talking about this one who i killed, i used to dream of her many times.
about 4 times i saw her near me n she refused to check hands n also she didnt spoke a word. n that was very closed to the time when she left the world.
after some time praying for her and asking forgivness i had dream of her n she looked at me and she just smiled.
the last time which made me feel so happy, that i saw her n i she let me check her hands, i wanted to kiss her hands but she didnt let me ( as we muslim considers kissings someone s' hands is not good thing ) after that i hugged her so hardly n kept crying ... :(
Yesterday, i had dream of her, and it was different. i was talking to her online, and i knew that she is not here at life anymore, so i was doubting that it would be her sister or someone at her home could get into her yahoo, she told me its me for real not anybody else, i still cant believe. so she told me to call, i called her but i found that its not her .... :(
I wish i can have dream of her and never wake up from that dream :(